Lost, Found & Learning

When something has been lost we become more aware of its significance.   

Today, I choose to sit down and take a lunch break before allowing the urgent to-do list to crowd out the thoughts of my morning.  As I grabbed my to go lunch order, the empty patio table placed in the warm sun caught my eye and begged me to sit for a spell.  What I now realize is, my soul needed a moment to rest and reflect.  

As I sat I noticed numerous elderly mothers and their middle aged daughters.  Some seemed to be enjoying a light-hearted conversation, talking about the next stops they would make checking off their to do list.  Some seemed to be planning and dreaming about the upcoming family celebrations.  While others seemed to hold a strained expression from possibly a past hurt or difficult circumstance being faced.  

My morning entailed a visit to the Neurology Department
at IU Medical Center to evaluate the status of a degenerative brain disease.  For the past five years, my family has been journeying alongside "grandma" as she has battled a degenerative neurological disease.  To be honest, it has been mostly uphill.

After careful observation and inquiry by the doctor and her resident, what we knew to  be true but had been able to push out of our consciousness is very evident.  Yes, the disease is progressing.  And it will continue to require more of both the patient and caregiver.  As I watch and listen, I see the weariness stand shoulder to shoulder with determination.  The vows spoken 50 years ago to love and cherish... in good times and bad, in sickness and health, until death do we part takes on a deeper meaning.   

I stand in awe of the immovable commitment to honor God and each other as they have walked through the valleys and climbed glorious mountains together.  I marvel at the tenacity and humility it takes to manage even the routine tasks of the day. I miss what was and at the very same time I am deeply grateful for what has been.   

We sometimes play a game at our house to debrief our days with each other.  We call this game: "What I Learned Today". 

I am learning...

• Nothing is perfect.
• Life is uncertain and uncontrollable.
• Many illnesses, especially brain diseases, do not follow a predictable path, come with a definitive diagnosis or treatment plan.
• We do our best today and address new difficulties as they present themselves.
• Sometimes the only thing to say is "I'm sorry." 
• What I really have to offer is my presence and even more importantly my prayers.